someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
