And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
