thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
