her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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