dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
