just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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