he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
