well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
