Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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