I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
