Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
