I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize