Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
