I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
