after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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