Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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