I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
