apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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