So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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