so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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