I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize