if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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