If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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