when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
zippers are such a cool invention
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize