Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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