we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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