you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
