Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
