all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
