he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Girls should come with a carfax report
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think I just sharted jello shots
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
