Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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