she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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