I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
