He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
