guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
