If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize