Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
