i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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