I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
