its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
