Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize