Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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