My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize