It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
