the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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