Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
