I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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