I'm jealous of your bromance
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Randomize