I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
