all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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