idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
