You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
