mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
