Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize