I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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