sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
