the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
