12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
