I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
