Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
