dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
