Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
