I'm really into asian looking animals
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
