I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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