hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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