So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My vagina just clenched in fear
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
