Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
