dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
