I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Found your dick twin last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
