so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
