I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
