Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
