Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize