I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
operation harelip BJ is a go
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
