I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
