Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
