you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
