i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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